the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
