Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
