I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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