I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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