the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
