Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Blow job season was short but glorious.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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