One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
