I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
