I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
