I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
