Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
