It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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