I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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