U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
