do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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