Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
