1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize