you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
