Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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