the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
