I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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