I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
