So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
