Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
