If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The best revenge is premature balding
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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