omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
