i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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