k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
