i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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