Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
