I am puke
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
