i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
