Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
