youre lurking in front of me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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