Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
wow bdsm is so cute
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