My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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