Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
