Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
