dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
how drunk are you?
Several
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
