did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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