This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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