we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
