You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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