The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
