Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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