we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
