I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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