Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
