so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
