Your dad touched me again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
