i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
