So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
