just come out here and I will go home with you...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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