Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
