he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
