I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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