I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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