I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize