I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
