he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
