i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
