my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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