shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
