My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
