I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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