you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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