I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize