You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
