Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
