i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
